Dour About The Tour

Tan Ban Leong told me it was raining the whole morning in Penang yesterday. The angry skies across the island spat at the people and blackened their moods. The defeated sun, ably aided by the heavy grey clouds, darkened their day and made life difficult for those who needed to be outside, making a living or just living, homeless or aimless. A simple enough unsolicited news on the weather but it triggered me to write this blog. I’m bewildered that I used to blog every Saturday morning without a break for months and months, years, actually. Sitting down at my desk on a Saturday morning now feels foreign; the realisation that I abandoned the discipline I had inculcated in myself the importance of forming good habits over the last four years or so saddened me. For a long time, I was pleased with my own stoic discipline to push the boundary of my newfound hobby to write every week, sometimes feverishly. Why did I stop? Maybe, the low readership of my blogs had finally got to me. I felt my copious writings were as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike. It was a massive undertaking which mostly bore ephemeral dopamine effects. It was easy to rid myself of my hedonistic tendencies. I convinced myself the idea to write was to have a useful hobby and maybe to improve the way I communicate and express myself – it was nothing about happiness.

Ban Leong went on to say that last night was the first night in days that it did not rain. That was what triggered me. It is hard to imagine that my mood turned as stormy and tumultuous as the weather in Penang. Dark, brooding and sullen I became. Dour, in a word. Dour about the tour, in fact. I was supposed to be in Penang last night, you see. My plan was to attend the final two rehearsals with the Penang Symphony Orchestra before we embarked on our China Tour. Since I got back from my holidays in early August with a dog-eared vanilla folder of music sheets, I have been practising like a professional violinist, putting in two to three hours of serious work daily. So, I channelled the majority of my “me time” to my violin practice instead. Am I ready to perform? You bet! Well…. I am always lenient on myself, which is why mediocrity is self-inflicted.

Mediocrity is self-inflicted, genius is self-bestowed.

Walter Russell

The Mrs walked towards me the other night as I was playing Grieg’s Wedding Day, Op. 65 no. 6 and kindly suggested I should use a lot more bow and although never trained in music herself, she proceeded to inform me to press my bow on the strings more firmly. I simply nodded, she is right, of course but it is a lot more than that.

To get a nice, strong tone from my violin, I focus on several key aspects of technique which I learned some 55 years ago and which ChatGPT confirms.

1. Bow Pressure: Apply consistent, firm pressure on the strings without pressing too hard. Too much pressure will cause a scratchy sound, while too little will produce a weak tone. The balance between weight and speed is crucial.
2. Bow Speed: Maintain a smooth and controlled bow speed. Faster bow strokes can increase volume, while slower strokes provide more resonance. Experiment with varying speeds to find what works best for different dynamics.
3. Contact Point: The point where the bow meets the strings (closer to the bridge or the fingerboard) affects the sound. For a stronger tone, play closer to the bridge, but not too close as it may result in a harsh sound.
4. Bow Angle and Straightness: Ensure the bow moves straight across the strings, parallel to the bridge. Any diagonal movement can lead to inconsistent sound quality. Also, keep the hair flat on the strings for an even tone.
5. Left Hand Technique: Good finger pressure on the fingerboard is essential. Ensure my fingers press the strings firmly to produce a clear tone, but avoid excessive tension that can inhibit flexibility and vibrato.
6. Relaxation: Tension in my shoulders, hands, or arms can hinder sound quality. Keep my body relaxed and use the natural weight of your arm to apply pressure on the bow.
7. Rosin Application: Make sure my bow is properly rosined. Too little rosin can make the sound weak, while too much can cause excessive friction and a gritty tone.
8. Practise Long Tones: Slow, long bow strokes on open strings or simple scales help develop control over tone production.

I nodded and thanked her for her input. Wow, she actually listens to my practice, I thought and felt enthused. I should have left it at that but after I had finished playing the piece, I went to her with the music and showed her the many bars that were marked “p” and “pp”.

“Do you know what “p” means?” I asked, and then stupidly answered my own question with an annoying tone.

“‘P’ means piano, soft, and ‘pp’ is pianissimo, very soft,” I needlessly said and began hating my own voice.

That, of course, has been the story of my life. I have always been tactless, careless and thoughtless. Spinning these faults as honest, direct and open, it is no wonder that my friends anointed me ‘The Annoying One’. The Mrs was being supportive and helpful, never mind that she has never touched a violin, but she does understand and feel music, having been an avid classical music listener since we met. I am sorry she married someone with the EQ the size of his shoe. In old Aussie parlance, I would be called Casablanca, a wanker. The old cobbers would have also described me as slow as the Second Coming. At almost sixty six now, I have to admit I am like a piece of rotten wood that cannot be carved. Despite the almost half a century of living together, she is unable to sculpt me into the knight in shining armour who sweeps her off her feet in her dream. Side by side, we are incompatible like water and fire, yet our lives are balanced enough that there is little likelihood of us drowning our spirits or burning our bridges.

Chip Beng chipped in quickly. He is an Adelaide resident but we go all the way back to 1958 in Penang. Being like fire and water is complicated but can be complimentary – when the water is too cold, the fire can heat it up……and if the fire is too fierce, water can douse it and regulate its ferocity.

So, last night, I was in a pissy and hissy mood in my study. In protest, I had decided not to touch my violin. Instead, I sat there peeling off dead skin from my feet; they were as dry as a dead dingo’s donger. Clearly, the almost-robotic routine of applying Nivea cream every day has proven to be futile. Einstein was right. Why do we persist in doing something that doesn’t work again and again and expect a different result? I was supposed to be in Penang last night, sitting as a tutti player in the First Violins of the orchestra, showing off my beautiful Paolo Vettori violin which I commissioned some years ago and brandishing my French-sounding Belgian bow, a ‘sakura’ by Pierre Guillaume that my youngest son gave me as a surprise present inside a shiny white Accord violin shaped case, also a surprise present. A surprise within a surprise, unforgettable and oh, so cherished.

But, I didn’t even have to cancel my air tickets to Penang because they were not bought in the first place. I half-suspected the tour was not happening when the conductor, Mr Woon, kept saying they were having issues with the venue in Xiamen. But, in my heart I knew that if Xiamen was the only issue, he would have still proceeded with the tour if he had Guangzhou and Shenzhen firmly in the bag already. To save him from embarrassment, I kept quiet even though I was bursting to ask him the obvious.

If those other two venues were ‘set like jelly’, then why cancel the whole tour?

I suppose it is forgivable that I feel dour about the tour. I had to forego the concert on 18 September with my local orchestra, the Burnside Symph in order to prepare for the China gig. It was to be my first international tour with an orchestra, so hyped up I had made it sound. Mr Woon said it is not cancelled, merely delayed till November. I took the news like a Pompeiian, frozen in time, caked in layers of utter disappointment and shock. But, do I continue to sacrifice my “me time” and the next BSO concert, Beethoven’s towering 9th Symphony in November for this very much vaunted international event that I never imagined was possible in my life? Maybe, this is just another piped dream of mine. Dour about the tour, that I am. Remind me not to be fervid about anything, please.