Earlier this morning, a friend said I still look groovy. What’s the hip word these days that has replaced the 60’s word for cool and hip? He came back with “suave”! Haha, suave is a word that brings James Bond, 007, into my mind. I’m far from that, first of all, I don’t even own a tuxedo. I told him 007 would never trip himself on the carpet whilst walking in a casino, that would be the opposite of suave. Besides, I have not visited a casino for yonks. Whereas Bond is a frequent roulette player. In my dreams, I see myself as a super duper hero, flying faster than Superman, more lethal than Wolverine, with more bulk than Hulk, even towering over Thor. But, I’ve never dreamt of myself as 007.
I’m 107, a friend said at lunch today. He is an old buddy, a classmate in primary school. Enthusiastically, he announced he is 107. 107, 72, he proudly repeated. Ah, he meant his blood pressure. For some of us in our sixties, our bp and ldl levels are topics for thorough, in-depth discussion. In the sixties, we were virile hot-blooded teenagers. In our sixties, it’s no longer how hot our blood is but how high our blood pressure is.
The last time I met most of these friends, we were sixteen year old youths, chasing away errant monkeys or dating beautiful Thai girls at our regular haunt, the Youth Park. Now, Youth Park is for the aged, a place my old mates now frequent to practise their Tai Chi, no sight of any young girls. Sometimes, these friends are shooed off by errant monkeys, we realise now who the alpha males are. It’s no longer the monkeys who are scared. No 007’s amongst us, I am sorry to add. You’d see James Bond bond with beautiful women, you’d see him jump over walls and chase after bad guys. I asked my friend how the wound on his right elbow came about. Did he ruffle with some bad guys or scuffle with some gangster? Nah, his wife, next to him, said he merely tripped himself whilst jogging around the block. The only chasing he does these days isn’t after baddies or beauties. That, we leave to 007. Our 107 only chases after aeroplanes because he’s often “delayed”, never once did he admit he was late for his flights because of his poor time-keeping. Once he was late because of diarrhoea, and then he became even later because he forgot his phone. Have you ever heard of 007 suffering in a bathroom with stomach pain? Maybe he did, but I think he was fighting someone in a bathroom and got hit in the stomach, in Casino Royale. Well, our 107 can lay valid claims to having stomach pains too in a bathroom.
We all know 007 drinks his martini shaken, never stirred. 107 however, is a non alcoholic drinker, after all, he’s unstable on his feet even without a drop of alcohol. His favourite drink is coconut water, a liquid so similar to our blood plasma that it can be used as an intravenous drip. During WW2, British and Japanese soldiers were given coconut water intravenously as saline solution was scarce.
Oh, there’s also one difference between 007 and 107. I’ve never seen the former’s Aston Martin still with original plastic intact, protecting his expensive car doors from blood spillages.
Urghhling, he warned me not to mention that. I guess I’ll have to catch the free bus next time.
p.s. the only imagined similarity I can think of between 107 and 007 is their love for “tannau” salted fish, and so, they may have met each other in the shop.
Urghhlings 